


Trapped

by CommunionNimrod



Series: I will Try ... To Fix You [3]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 01:11:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommunionNimrod/pseuds/CommunionNimrod
Summary: As Hermann struggled to figure things out and find a solution, Newt was having a whole manner of problems of his own.  He had been struggling for a decade against the darkness holding him back.  He had been struggling for too long.  Would it ever be enough?





	Trapped

**Author's Note:**

> I had to get something in from Newt's point of view!!!

Darkness.  It was Newt’s usual scenery these days.  How much time had passed since the Precursors took hold, he wondered?  He barely got to see glimpses of his world anymore, a prisoner within the confines of his own mind.  He had struggled at first, fighting for dominance, trying to shut them out or force them into the background.  It hadn’t worked. He could see how the Precursors made him take a job outside the PPDC, how they made him push everyone away, seclude him from everyone ( _ from Hermann _ ).  There wasn’t much fight after that.  Newt got too tired, unmotivated, he …

He hated to admit surrender, but that’s exactly what happened.  He wasn’t strong enough, he never had been. He had been fooling himself early on.  So, with surrender came darkness. With darkness came pain. Yet, they kept him alive.  All this time later and he still couldn’t figure out why.

Everything changed when he saw Hermann again. Darkness and silence crumbled as his former lab partner’s voice cut through his consciousness, so loud and clear that it was almost deafening.   _ Newton!   _ The sound of that glorious, aggravating, genius of a man’s voice ringing through caused Newt to slam to the forefront of his mind, and he could SEE for the first time in ages.  He was still not in control, not fully, but he managed to almost hastily look down.

Hermann wasn’t wearing an old man sweater, and even though he was leaning heavily against his cane like always, there was a spring in his step.  He was smiling. Newt wasn’t. Newt had on sunglasses -  _ what? _ \- and was wearing … a suit.  A suit? Seriously?

“I was hoping you’d be tagging along.  I could use your help,” Hermann was saying.

The words coming out of his mouth weren’t his, but the agreement to go with him was.  Hermann Hermann  _ Hermann _ , damnit Herms, please look at me, look closely, if anyone can see what’s going on it’s you, this isn’t me THIS ISN’T ME.  He was screaming in his mind, repeating these words over and over, but outwardly didn’t even so much as crack a distressed grimace or whine.  Behind him, alien laughter echoed. He wasn’t ...he wasn’t strong enough.

Hermann was taking him to a lab, a new lab, where were they???  He was going on and on about Jaeger deployment, and then, THEN, that beautiful bastard he had spent a decade of his life with, had drifted with, was pulling out a vial of kaiju blood and discussing using it for rocket thruster deployment.

Newt wanted to kiss him.  He was a fucking genius. He wanted to grab the sides of his face, slide his fingers into that goofy haircut of his, and kiss him silly.  But that’s exactly NOT what happened.

“You can’t be fooling around with this stuff, you’re going to blow yourself up.”  
_ No no no this was not him NO _

 

“No, Hermann, I’ve gotta stop you.  Look, none of this matters. When my boss’s drone are approved, deployment time, that’s gonna be a non-issue.”  
_ His boss … drones?  What? Wait, Shao? That’s right, he’d gone to work with Shao.  Drones … _

“So … you won’t help me?” Hermann was asking in a surprising, dejected voice.

Newt was screaming, he was screaming so loud he felt his vocal chords trying to give out.  But outer Newt just. Kept. Talking.  **_Goddamnit!!!!_ **  Echoes of his voice mentioning Alice, that damned thing that Hermann clearly did not see for what it was, Hermann was supposed to be smart, Hermann was supposed to KNOW him, so why was he-

Darkness.

_ No no no no no no no, _ Newt cried out in the echoes of his mind, tears streaming down his face.   _ NO, HERMANN _ .

But there was nothing.  However, the game had changed.  Newt felt a fight brewing in him again.  He had seen Hermann, he had been with Hermann, Hermann who had seemed SO happy to see him, who was talking about kaiju blood being highly reactive and sounding more like a goddamned biologist than he ever had.

Newt had to get out.  He had to do something, at least long enough to smack that wonderful man in the face and scream that this wasn’t him they needed to get him back they needed to get them OUT.

The next time Newt broke through, they were in an elevator.   _ Hermann _ .  They were fighting a bunch of guys, and Newt got grabbed quickly, but Hermann was owning these bitches, laying the fucking beat down, and the adrenaline made Newt smile, made him ACTUALLY smile.  The elevator beeped, and Newt was putting on glasses instinctively, he almost had control -

And then he didn’t.  Then there was darkness.  Fuck. The Precursors laughed even louder behind him, screeching angrily and wrapping themselves around his consciousness.  He couldn’t breathe.

SNAP.  Yet again he got control of his sight, and everything was wrong, but Hermann knew, he knew, he was-

“Newt, you are a good man.”   _ Oh god he called him Newt _ . “You must stop, you must fight back.”

“No, no no, there’s no point,” he was saying, he was ACTUALLY saying, and he was panicking, he wanted to say so much but he was babbling. “I’m not strong enough Hermann, I am not strong enough-”

He spun around, desperate to see the man, and his body was not his own, he was grabbing Hermann by the throat and the Precursors were screaming in his voice and  **no no no no OH GOD NO NOT HERMANN NO** .  But Hermann wasn’t struggling, Hermann was grabbing his hands and stroking, his thumb felt like fire on Newt’s skin.

“I’m sorry Hermann,” he choked out, brow furrowed, on the verge of tears.  “T-they’re in my head.”

It was the closest he had come to spilling everything, to begging for help.  But Hermann knew now. Everything had been revealed, but that meant everything was in motion, and Newt didn’t know what they could do to stop it.

Chinese was being shouted at him, a woman - Shao? - brandishing a gun in his direction.  Alien instinct mixed with human instinct, and Newt was sucked back into the darkness once again with a silent scream.

_ Weak. _

_ So Weak. _

_ You.  Are.  _ **_Weak._ **

Newt was fighting, he was fighting so hard but it was not enough.  It would never be enough. They were too deep, too ingrained, nothing he did would be enough.  He thought that if he could see Hermann again, reach out, TRULY reach out, that it would make a difference.  Surely it would have. But … it didn’t. He was still here, still trapped in the darkness, still so weak.

He got glimpses of his surroundings.  He was tied down, sitting, in an almost completely-empty room.  Sometimes he was himself, sometimes he was a backseat passenger to the Precursors running him, sometimes he saw nothing.  When he was a backseat passenger, he saw some dude fairly frequently, a guy that seemed to spark recognition in him that he couldn’t place.  He wore a uniform, most of the time. Was he a captive?

He tore against the Precursors, long enough to start to beg.  He begged this familiar unfamiliar man to kill him. He had done everything he could, it was the only option.  He had to die. If he died, the Precursors died, right? He was their link to this world, to everything. If the link was severed, they’d be safe.  Hermann would be safe. He begged and pleaded, but this familiar unfamiliar man didn’t ever give him the peace he asked for. Did he not deserve peace?  He’d saved the world, damnit. He’d done so much. He couldn’t fight, why wouldn’t they let him save the world one more time by ending it all?

He begged for death, he begged for Hermann, the Precursors drew him into the darkness and he fought back out, but each time he fought, the harder the struggle was.  He was running out of time. Soon there would be nothing left of Doctor Newton Geiszler, resident kaiju expert and total rockstar. There would be nothing but the shell of what he once was, inhabited by a force he used to both fear and respect.  Hurry, they had to hurry. He struggled and cried and screamed at them to hurry.

Hermann, beloved Hermann, wouldn’t grant his request.  Hermann wouldn’t kill him. Newt thought he could, thought he could channel the decades old frustration and end it for the good of humanity, to put him out of his misery.  But he refused. Was this his revenge for all those time he got kaiju blood on the mathematician's chalk? Was this his I-told-you-so for warning him against drifting with a kaiju brain to begin with?

“Hurry,” Newt gasped loudly one day, having fought hard enough to regain control.  Hermann was there, he thought he’d heard Hermann. His face was covered in sweat, and his fellow scientist (ex-fellow scientist) was staring at him, eyes wide.  Was that fear he saw in Hermann’s eyes? Newt started to cry.

“I am working as quickly as I can Newton, I assure you-” Hermann said hastily, closing the distance between them.  So close, he was so close. Newt pushed forward against his restraints. So close.

“No no no,” he cried, clenching his teeth. “Hurry, Herms, please.  I don’t, I can’t, I-I can’t do this much longer. You need to stop it, stop me, kill me, please  They’re winning Herms,  _ they’re winning _ .”

“Stop it,” Hermann snapped, surging forward and grabbing Newt’s face with both hands.  Newt sobbed. His touch was like fire, and Newt wanted to burn in it. “You listen to me, Newton.  They cannot win, they never do, we always defeat them, yes? So stop this and start  **fighting** ,”

“I  _ have _ been fighting, I can’t anymore, I’m too weak, they’re too strong,  _ Hermann _ -”

Newt would have started screaming and begging again, feeling the cold claws of darkness creeping into the edges of his mind.  No no no no time was up they were coming back. He wanted to warn Hermann, to tell him to get out, but none of those words left his lips.  None of them could, because lips were pressed against his.

Wait what?

The darkness was pushed away in an instant.  The ever-present menacing laughter of the Precursors wasn’t there.  Newt’s eyes went wide. Hermann was kissing him. It was rough and it was simple, lips against lips, but it felt like it changed EVERYTHING.  He was stunned, and he stopped moving instantly, but after a second his brain kicked into gear and he kissed Hermann back hard.

He whined when the other man pulled away, both of them looking a bit harried.  Newt’s heart was pounding. He’d … he’d wanted to kiss Hermann for almost as long as he could remember.

“I’m, I’m sorry,” Hermann said hurriedly, releasing Newt’s face and taking a shaky step back, clutching his cane.  Newt huffed.

“For’what,” he said breathlessly.  Everything was quiet. It was  _ blessedly _ quiet inside of his head.  For the first time in a long time, Newt felt hope.

“For that, I … Newt, that was wrong and impulsive.  I should not have kissed you.”

“Yes, Herms, yes you should have,” he practically snapped, sinking back against the chair he was attached to. “They’re … quiet.”

“Quiet?” Hermann repeated, suddenly alert again.  Newt nodded.

“Y-yeah,” he said, licking his chapped lips.  That could not have been pleasant for Hermann, ugh, why did their first kiss have to be under all of these insane circumstances?  He was over the moon that had just happened, SURE, but still. He’d wanted it to be wonderful and suave, catching the uptight man by surprise in the lab one day or something, fireworks, hearts pounding, birds singing, blah blah blah, all that awesome stuff.  Then they could’ve kissed again over dinner. Newt could have bought flowers.

He’s hella romantic like that.

Commotion on the other side of the heavy metal door distracted them both.  Hermann sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Newt’s heart skipped a beat at the too familiar exasperated gesture.  He felt himself grinning.

“Uh oh,” he whispered. “I think they’re upset.”

“Clearly,” Hermann said, deadpan.  He took in a deep breath and straightened his shoulders. “Newt, you have to keep fighting.  You have more control than you believe. You are  **not** weak, do you hear me?  We have saved the world, now let me save you.  Do I really need to elaborate on why?”

“No, dude.” Newt shook his head. “No, that, uh, that made it pretty clear.  Hurry though, seriously. I’d prefer our next kiss to be a lot sexier than this.”

He’d also prefer for there to BE a next kiss, but he didn’t say that outloud.  He didn’t wanna ruin the mood.

“Lord, you are still as insufferable as ever,” Hermann groaned, rolling his eyes.  But he was smiling. Newt felt hope blossoming in his chest. It felt foreign, but he clung to it desperately.

He opened his mouth to speak again, but before he could, familiar unfamiliar guy was all but barging into the cell, interrupting his train of thought.   **Rude** .  They were having a moment, why did he have to come in and ruin everything?  Newt sighed, shoulders slumping in disappointment as Hermann turned away from him to talk with familiar unfamiliar guy (Hermann had told him what the dude’s name was, but Newt was blanking).  He bounced his right leg almost frantically, experimentally tugging against the restraints around his arms. Nice and tight. Good.

“Newt,” Hermann said, jerking him out of his inward thoughts.  He blinked and looked up. Hermann was close again, but not as close as before.  He leaned forward against his restraints instantly, wanting to close the distance.  Hermann’s eyes flicked to the chair and back to his face, looking … a bit sad?

Don’t be sad, Newt wanted to say.  He opened his mouth, but the words didn’t come out.

“Newt, I will be back later,” Hermann continued. “We have much to try and discuss.  I will get you out of here. You have my word.”

“Hurry, Herms, seriously,” Newt whispered, a bit pained. “I feel like you’ve bought us some time, but … but Hermann, they’re still…”

“I know,” Hermann interrupted.  Newt almost didn’t hear him. “I know.”

Hermann reached forward, ignoring the throat clearing behind them, and cupped Newt’s cheek.  Newt turned into the touch like a man in a desert finding his oasis. He closed his eyes and kissed the man’s palm, grinning when a noise of surprise escaped Hermann.

“I will be back,” he repeated, his voice shaking, and he was pulling his hand back and turning to leave.  Newt opened his eyes, leaning back in the chair again and watching him go. Familiar unfamiliar dude left with him, the door shutting with a loud clang, and then there was silence.

Newt breathed, leg still bouncing, as he looked around the room.  Silence. Blessed silence. The precursors … weren’t saying anything in his mind.  They weren’t grabbing him, bringing him back into the darkness to taunt and mock him.  Newt’s heart beat faster, that hope blossoming a bit further. He was still not convinced in his own abilities, he was still too weak to keep this up.  But  **Hermann’s** abilities?  Those he did not doubt.  The man was annoyingly thorough in everything he did.  If anyone had a chance to figuring this out, it was him.

Newt leaned his head back and closed his eyes, but it was a different darkness, a familiar darkness.  He was still himself, for the moment. He did not know how much time he had or when Hermann would return, but maybe all was not lost.  Maybe not.

_ Suck it, you Precursor bitches.  You have met your goddamn match with Doctor Hermann Gottlieb, let me tell you. _

 


End file.
